She shook her head no, once. She whispered, "Nothing."Finally, it was time to dress and leave.She drove me back to my Mama Rose's house. We arrived at eleven, an hour after the Tremont had closed."You be good to your Grandma Rose," Martha told me from her car window. "she's so sweet." I'll come to Union Station next Saturday and see you off." You don't have to," she said quietly. "You sure?" I'll be there," I said, winking -- not knowing if I were really up to it, but letting her think I believed I was.She winked back. Unsmiling, she stepped on the gas. She and the car raced down the street and grew smaller. I stood on the curb and watched, wondering what the hell I was going to do.Of all the weeks Martha and I had spent apart, that week of waiting for her departure was the longest that I remember. The only memory I have of that week was of standing in our front yard one sultry afternoon with the cloying humidity hanging in the air as I stared into the vast suburban sameness around. . Clint’s words echoed in my mind. His life was being destroyed. He would be going to jail for loving his mother. His sisters. I couldn’t do that to my son. I couldn’t take us down that road, but I wanted to. I missed him. I hated myself for driving him out of my life.I wanted to call him. To beg him to come home. To confess to him that I loved him. That I wanted to make love to him. I wanted to lie beneath him, to feel him back in me. I closed my eyes on my couch, rubbing my thighs together. It would be incredible to be with him.And so wrong. Clint was a fool. Look what incest got him. His life destroyed. Those of his family, too. I couldn’t do that to my son. I clicked off the TV and stared at the wall. I hadn’t seen him in two years. Not since he woke up just as I was about to blow him.He’d almost caught me. He must hate me now for how I treated him. That was only right. He deserved to hate me. He should keep that fixed firmly in his mind. He should never be allowed near me. I.
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